Connotator ep. 4: Old Friends on the Phone

After talking on the phone for five minutes, ten if you were lucky, your humble, respectful, conversation enthusiast reluctantly tells you:

"You sound pretty busy over there, so I'll let you go."
"I don't want to hold you up any longer, I'll give you a call soon, maybe this week."
"Alright man, awesome talking to you, really great to hear from you, but I know your plate is full right now, you're such a hard worker, really, so I'll talk to you later."

Come on gents, say it like you mean it.

"I'm busy, I gotta go."
"I don't want you to hold me up."
"Alright, look, this is boring, we're not as good of friends as we used to be, I don't know shit about what your schedule is, so how about we talk again on some unplanned occasion, really let's not plan anything, especially in less than a week because I'll just fucking kill myself. I hate you get out of my life."

Ever run into a friend, so you think, that you haven't seen in a while? You want to plan a time to hang out and they tell you one of my personal favorite white lies, truly classic BS:
"I lost your number."
"I got a new phone and misplaced your number."

Unless a phone dies and thus loses all of its numbers, it is impossible to lose a number.

This really means, I got a new phone and went through the list of numbers to see who I actually had a chance of having a lasting friendship. I've only talked to you a few times so I didn't transfer your number over. I have no idea how I got in this position, with you asking me to hang out again, I really didn't think we were ever going to talk again, really, why are we talking? Fuck it, sorry man, I just lost your number.

Its even more apparent when a person did not get a new phone and you saw them put the number in. The person scrubbed your number doing some house cleaning.

You can't be too mad that your friendship never went anywhere. You didn't hang out for weeks because you probably kept turning down opportunities to hang out. In respect to your fragile feelings of emptiness and sensitivity, this thoughtful almost-friend used a harmless euphemism.

They don't want to bring you down, so they tell you it was an accident. If you can suspend your disbelief and get over it, you still have a chance of becoming good friends.

The following line has a few meanings, I'll cover the two that occur the most. They also happen to be the cynical, depressing translations.

"We should hang out some time."
"We should go out to dinner some time."

1) "I want to keep as many friends as I can, even if they're attached by fantastical strings. You and I used to hang out a few years ago, but I have a completely new set of friends, I'm getting married, I graduated and you still have a few more semesters, I have a well paying job and you're still a waiter.

We're completely different people now. I've moved up in life and you've been completely static. Why were we ever friends? Maybe we weren't friends. I can't remember now. We should discuss it over lunch, one day, some time, in the distant future. Of course I'll pay.

Honestly, though, we're probably never going to hang out. I'm way too busy with my new life, my wife, my kids. But, every time I see you I'm going to mention it.

'Hey, we should do dinner sometime,' because we're still friends even though we're not. Please don't de-friend me on Facebook. Or Myspace. Thanks. Talk to you later.

2) The person really does want to hang out. They look you in the eyes when they tell you to see how you react. They know you have been turning down a lot of recent opportunities to hang out and they want to see what you'll say this time. This is the least restrictive offer they could possibly give you. Let's go out to dinner. Some time.

Any time. I eat dinner every day. If you do as well, maybe we should eat it together. Really, any time you want, but hopefully soon. If you don't want to sit down for 30 to 45 minutes, I know you aren't my friend and I'll stop bothering you.

The last one was for you dear reader(s?). The best response is, of course, "Of course! We should definitely go to dinner this week." If you really want to see this person, maybe you really have been busy and you do miss your friend, then you plan a time. "Let's eat tonight," you say.

If you don't really want to, you'll probably start listing everything you're doing between 5 and 11pm or even from noon to midnight if the friend starts asking about lunch and late night snacks.

"Let's get some dinner tomorrow. Oh shit, I have a test early the next morning. But I should be free for lunch. Oh, duh, I have classes all Thursday. That night, I'm working, you can come by if you want to Haha. Uh. Friday should be good. What about you? Oh, that's too bad. Friday would have been perfect for me. Saturday and Sunday I'm usually free, but I'm going home to visit my family. Its been a while. Monday... I have a paper, no that's Tuesday, I'll be writing it all Monday. I'll probably have to stay up all night. That's gonna suck. Man, I forgot about that. How about this. You just give me a call sometime next week after Tuesday and we'll figure something out. Awesome, talk to you later. Good seeing you."

For me, will everyone that reads this call up a friend and hang out with them? It'd be nice.

See you sometime!