We're all little John Stewerts and when your brain takes over

It's been a weird week in my blogging world. I ranted about reviewed a game and a movie, felt they came out entertaining and thus decided to open my blog up to the world. Really, that just means I linked it on facebook and told my roommates to read it.

Still, that's kinda scary. Now I'm starting to pay attention to what people say about it, the good and the bad, and trying NOT to change it based on what I hear.

Some of my friends got back to me and said they thought my posts were hilarious - a great compliment. It's exactly what I want to hear. But, now I'm scared to write anything that isn't funny.

If my friends are anything like me - or anything like I envision the majority of the world is, reading a blog that turns the funny off and on which each post is frustrating. Some people, including myself, don't like to read sentimental mush next to theories of the world and language next to elitist media reviews.

It's just confusing, right? For example, let's say a crazy thing happens: someone links one of my posts to a major website because they thought one of my posts was funny. A lot of people read it and start browsing through more posts only to realize only 1/3 are similar. It just feels like a turn off.

Raise your hand if you think I just shouldn't worry about it.

Put your hand down, Chris, this is your blog.

Secondly, I've come to accept that one of my main writing voices is the nitpicky, elitist asshole that likes pointing out the flaws in all the little things in life. I love doing it. I have so much to say about unoriginality, bad design and bullshit.

But... many people do this. Every week I get linked to some smart asshole that tears apart a terrible video game, points out the hypocrisy in a tv show or a lie in an advertisement. What's it good for? We all do it. Does this mean I'm unoriginal?

It seems we're all little George Carlins, miniature Jon Stewerts and baby Stephen Colberts. If you're wondering why I put Jon Stewert in the blog title, it's because I know him better. Call me uneducated, but I really didn't know much of George Carlin's material until he died. To me, The Daily Show is where I get my subversive material.

Again, what's it good for? To be honest, I figured out the answer before I started typing this blog. Pointing out these terrible nuances in the world gives our audience a little more of a push to do things better. Who would want (to do this dumb thing) when (this smart person) just made everyone realize out how ridiculous it was. Well, the people that agree with that person, anyhow.

Still, should I quit being that guy? Try to find a different voice? Maybe I won't curse as much as the other guys and I'll learn some bigger words. That will set me apart.

And then I start thinking about money. Common occurance when you're broke and full of ideas. How can this make me a buck? If I had a buck for every time I stopped doing something I enjoyed because of that exact thought.

I used to draw and a few people said I should try to sell my drawings - on postcards or something - and not long later, I didn't have the heart to do it anymore. When I doodled, I was letting certain emotions out, but not all of them would sell. Some came out messy and jagged. Suddenly an audience was all I could think about when I sat down with white paper and drawing pen.

Money. A vision. A few people liked my reviews and suddenly I find myself only writing video game reviews and movie reviews. I get excited and want to make an elitist video game and movie reviewing website. I know, I just started writing this blog a month ago. But that's what my brain does. It hates taking it slowly. It wants to be good immediately.

I know plenty of other people think like I do. The opportunity to make quick money overcomes and the motivation to work hard at something disappears. This is when people burn out.

I just wanted to make a post about this destructive ongoing process that I've had for a while. I start something, I don't improve quick enough, and I quit. For the first time, I can document this struggle as it happens.

It's so unsettling, though! I just opened this blog to the world and I'm documenting a breakdown. Well, that's a little dramatic.

As for my prose, I know many people that will never show people their prose. It's so personal, yet rarely very good. And to ask someone what they think of it? Oh man. Shivers.

Like I said before, though, I'm not going to give up on (everything) because I'm afraid to hear someone says it sucks. Yes, it sucks, but one day, it won't be that bad.

Problem: I want it now.
Solution: Shut up and get to work.

Where am I. I've kept this blog up for a month. I've been going to the gym since the beginning of the summer. (Time to gain some weight!) I've worked on a few other projects here and there. I think I'm doing alright.