Redesigning bathrooms for the overly self-conscious

My story:
I walk in a bathroom and take a stall. Unfortunately, I have to be a neighbor. So, I sit down and wait. He leaves and I start. Within a few seconds, 3 more people enter to use the urinal. Come on, guys, shake it and leave. I'm dying here.

Everyone's gone and I have a cramp. Finally, I'm ready. The door swings open as I rip a huge, echoing fart. The newcomer puts his hands up to shield his face. His girlfriend, who was standing behind him, yelps a little. He turns back around and leaves. This sucks.

I'm almost ready to leave when another dude walks in. Peering through the cracks in the door, I think I recognize him but I'm not sure. Didn't he sit next to me in Cog Sci? He takes the stall next to me, of course, even though there are two free stalls.

I bend down to check out his shoes and there he is, staring me in the face. I will never, ever check out another person's shoes. I sit back up as quick as I can. Not fast enough for the auto flush to go off, though. For both of us. Water splashes onto the floor from the nuclear powered toilet bowl. I'm soaked.

How embarrassing. And no, it wasn't the guy from my class. Some random dude with black hair and classes.

"How are ya?"

Yea right. I'm out of here. I stand up and pull up my pants, but get blasted with water before I can pull them up. I grab my book bag from the hanging hook and pull open the door. Well, I try to. I can't really fit because the door opens inward. My book bag is catching on everything not smooth. I get my legs out first and the rest finally follows. I think I ripped my shirt.

I do wash my hands. I don't care if someone just tried to have conversation between stalls, I'm not carrying poop-germs outside of this bathroom. Ooh, a zit! Don't touch it! Wash your hands first.

I wash, use a paper towel and head for the door. Wait, I'm not going to touch the door handle. That's the dirtiest part of a bathroom, right? I would use a paper towel to open it, but there's no trash can near. Sigh. I'll just use my pinky.

The problems:
We have to find a way to control the auto-flush!
Shoes untied? Flush.
Reaching down to silence your pocketed cell-phone? Flush.
Shin itches? Flush.
Door won't stay shut? Flush. Flush. Flush.
It tears me up that I could fill up a pool every time I drop the kids off.

All stalls should be handicap stalls. There just isn't enough room to move around. Especially with a book bag. Especially in the winter when you're all dressed up.

Music! There should ALWAYS be music. "I want to know what love is! I fart want to feel what love is!" See, you didn't even hear it.

Why do stalls and urinals have to be grouped? Why can't it be stall-urinal-stall-urinal. Or even stall-urinal-urinal-urinal-stall. Simply separate the stalls. I don't want to pass dirty, cacophonous notes back and forth with my bathroom buddy. I hate shitty neighbors, don't you?

And lastly, please, put a trash can next to the door.